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The Catz Pajamaz

Posted on September 12, 2010 at 4:22 PM

This is only an excerpt from a graphic novel I've been developing...it's been halted for lack of an artist.. although I think I may have found one in my very own classroom... My t. a. ! Turns out she's a very good artist...

I have already developed characters, plot, scenery, history, and miscellaneous things such as clothing style, time frame and places. 

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She finds a portal to the human world, through a closet in her dressing room at the club. There is an old dressing room door star nailed to the wall in the back of the closet with the name “Sippie” on it. It’s been there for years, but she doesn’t notice it, until one of the other competing singers in the club comes in and destroys her wardrobe using a scissors. She’s going through her stage clothes and finds them all cut up, ragged and destroyed. She then finds the dusty old star nailed to the wall at the back of the closet.

 

She touches it and feels a cool breeze go through her clothes and a sucking feeling all around her. Starting at her outstretched hand and going through her body. It nearly takes her breath out of her, but not quite. When it is over she opens her eyes and she’s still in the closet…The whole incident leaves her dizzy and somewhat confused. She stumbles out of the closet and falls over something big and soft. She lands hard and bangs her nose. She grabs her nose, and notices that it feels different. Small, bald. And theres no whiskers!

 

She then notices her hand, it’s bald too! It’s got long bald fingers and long fingernails. Her rings fall off, and rattle on the floor. She looks at her other hand and gets on her knees, and that’s when she notices…blood. All over her gown, there’s blood. She gasps at this and grabs her gown. She rolls off to the side and as she notices her long bald slim legs with strange looking feet, in her shoes she also notices something dark and the source of blood. A woman is lying with her back to her curled in the fetal position.

 

She lets out a scream and covers her mouth her hand. The scream sounded funny and it was coming from her mouth. She moves her feet off the woman and gets up shaken and looks up to see her reflection in the mirror. She screams again at her face. Her eyes are looking out at her, and the face is not hers. The hair is hers, the nose, the mouth and bald skin are bald, and rather funny looking. She is covered in bright red blood and the image causes her to scream again.

She hears a noise and in a panic tries to run back to the closet but slips and falls on the slippery blood pooled on the floor,from the dead creature.

 

The door opens and a smallish catlike being comes in, only hes bald too. With the same funny shaped nose, eyes and she notices his hands are weird. Like her new ones.

 

She tries to crawl away from him terrified of his appearance. He looks around the room, at the body, at her bloodied clothes and gasps... "Oh my God. What on earth did you do? What happened here? Who are you?...what the..."

 

She looks over at the body and at him and starts to shake her head, she tries to speak but he is already leaning over her, gently touching her face and looking worried and scared. He says "Shh..it's alright. It's okay. Let's get you out of here before you're found out."

 

She nods and lets him help her to stand. When she stands she looks around and

 starts to cry, he interrupts her and has moved behind her. He's standing by the closet door and starts to throw clothes at her, saying "Here change out of your clothes, you'll never get out of here in those."

 

She's shaking her head again and wants to tell him who she is and where she came from. "I...I...Where am I? Who..."

 

"Look" he cuts her off "You've no time. Once the cops find out what happened to Miss Bee they'll be throwing you in the hooskaw and throwing away the key."

 

"What? but I..I...I didn't.." She is looking terrified now and has one hand up as if in self defense.

 

"Here never mind that now. Change your damn clothes and get the hell out of here before you're thrown in the slammer lady!"

 

She grabs the clothes from the floor that he's thrown at her and nods hurriedly. She can explain to him later where she came from and who she is. She pauses again when she notices her hand, shock and remembering registers on her face.

 

 She looks at the dead body and hurries. She understood cops and slammer, but hooskaw? Can't be good if she has to run from it.

 

She moves behind the privacy curtain and changes hurriedly. She notices she still has a tail and tucks it around a leg so it doesn't show in the shadow as she's changing. She smiles a little relieved to at least still have that.

 

When she steps out of from behind the curtain the man is gone and she takes a quick glance around and decides to go back to the closet,

 There is a pounding on the door and loud voices yelling.."Open the door! We know you're in there! What have you done to Miss Bee..open the door or we're going to kick it in and you'll be sorry!"

 

She freezes for a second only before a furtive voice calls her from the window..

 

"Well hurry up, we haven't got all day.." She looks and sees the man who gave her the clothes motioning her towards the window.

 

He's leaning in with the window open above him and standing on a fire escape.

 

She rushes towards him, as the door gets louder and threatens to burst open under the pounding.

 

 As she's scrambling down the stairs ahead of him she can hear the door burst open and a push behind her, he's telling her to hurry up in a loud whisper.

 

She reaches the bottom and turns to look at him. He's already bolting past her and racing down the alley.

 

 She follows his fleeing back as fast as she can go. Her feet feel funny, but at least she is able to run as swiftly as she always has and soon she has caught up to him, and is now running directly beside him.

 

 He looks at her with surprise at her speed, and seemingly effortless stride. He nods and points which way to run.

 

She obeys and turns the corner, enjoying her speed she leaves him behind.

 

 

He calls out to her and she remembers where she is, and slows down to turn around. He soon catches up, out of breath and in between gasps for air he tells her she needs to go into hiding and they can go to a place he knows.

 

She nods and follows him....

 

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The format is how I see each image/box to play out. I am new at this and still researching how to format it correctly..any feedback would be greatly appreciated and eagerly awaited. 

Thanks....

 

Elm

Categories: Book, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Elaine McArthur

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7 Comments

Reply George Spelvin
5:59 PM on September 12, 2010 
Just a few observations

change ?surrounds? to lavishes

don?t telegraph ahead just say she has a bodyguard. If we know he?s already ?eating his cake?, why read further?

competing singers in the club COMES in

nevermind is two words
Reply Brandywine McArthur
6:46 PM on September 12, 2010 
Doug Ordunio says...
Just a few observations

change ?surrounds? to lavishes

don?t telegraph ahead just say she has a bodyguard. If we know he?s already ?eating his cake?, why read further?

competing singers in the club COMES in
nevermind is two words


Okay, the part about the bodyguard I just forgot to take out when copy/pasting..that part was just for my own notes but thank you for that.

Thanks for the few glitches you noticed...I am new at mystery/crime/thriller writing and am reading a lot of this genre to make it flow smoother. When to put in clues, foreshadowing, and the like. It's a lot of work...but am excited to continue working as hard as I can on this.. :)
Reply Phil Neale
9:31 AM on September 14, 2010 
Interesting stuff, and very well laid out.

The sense of panic come though extremely clearly, and although you could do with a little more in the way of description after the change, I'm sure that will come in due course.
Reply C.M. Marcum
10:56 AM on September 14, 2010 
In my very humble opinion, the rhythm seems a little flat, maybe that's because it's an excerpt. Its almost as if you're ticking off a list: She this, she that, he this, he that. Try varying you sentences. Long ones, medium and short. Sometimes I hum or listen to instrumental music to catch a beat.
Reply Brandywine McArthur
10:49 PM on September 14, 2010 
C.M. Marcum says...
In my very humble opinion, the rhythm seems a little flat, maybe that's because it's an excerpt. Its almost as if you're ticking off a list: She this, she that, he this, he that. Try varying you sentences. Long ones, medium and short. Sometimes I hum or listen to instrumental music to catch a beat.


Each image is how I want "scenes" to look in the graphic novel..hard to convey that using only one format...Thanks for the input..much appreciated :)
Reply George Spelvin
11:00 PM on September 14, 2010 
Why not make the first two or three paragraphs they way you want it to look, so we have an inkling of what you have in mind,
Reply C.M. Marcum
11:26 AM on September 15, 2010 
Oh, oh, a graphic novel--sorry. You did say so. (I tend to skip over intro(s). In that case, I can't help you much. See, I knew something different was up. Well, that'll teach me to pay attention.