|Posted on November 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM|
I lay here in absolute total confinement in the fetal position enveloped in total darkness on a cold cement floor completely naked. They call this place “The Hole.”
The darkness is far blacker than night and I feel I know what it is like to be blind now. I can’t decipher night and day, there is no time here, time surely stands still in this hole from hell. After awhile I sit up and reach my hands out in front of my face then get up and walk slowly until I hit the wall and I notice I only took two steps. I make a circle in this hellhole about three times feeling for a knob or anything but there is none.
I get lonely in regular prison pop but this loneliness is much worse, it is as if there is no one else in the whole world left but me, and that is the thing that drives the mind mad.
The silence is deafening and it causes my ears to hurt, I try to pop them but to no avail. Suddenly as I sit in this cold dank hole I feel a touch atop my head and I quickly try to wipe it away thinking it was a bug or something but I feel a touch again on my face, I slap my own face quickly hoping to kill whatever it is touching me but there was nothing. Just then, I heard a whisper and it sounded like my name, I quietly said, “Who’s there?” Knowing fool well that I was alone. Again, I heard a voice that sounded like the wind, it called to me in a gruesome angry manner, which caused me to quickly stand up and ask again, “Who’s there!!” I am for the first time starting to feel afraid.
Then something touched my behind, I wheeled around in the darkness and hollered “HEY!! What the hell is going on here!!! Who is that?” My heart starts to race a hundred miles an hour and I am panicking now in a big way.
Then my front was handled, I backed away into the wall swinging wildly into the darkness, and could feel my knuckles bleeding from hitting the wall trying to defend myself from this unknown entity. All gets quiet for a while as I stand in total darkness shaking from head to toe, then the unspeakable happened. Something is forcing me to bend over and I can’t fight it, I just start to scream and curse as loud as I can “What is this!!! What the hell is going on!!!” then something entered my body that cause such pain that I momentarily passed out. When I wake I continued to feel unspeakable pain going in and out of me from behind, I screamed and try to fight it but there is nothing I can do, I am totally paralyze from the waist down with incredible pain.
When it is over, I am dropped to the cold floor in agony crying and bleeding from the anus. I lay there and pass out until suddenly a shaft of light appears and the door opens, one of the guards call my name and pitches my two-piece prison attire to me on the floor. After my eyes are finally getting use to the light I get up and put my pants and shirt on then walk through the door into the hallway.
As they shackle me and escort me away, I look back at the door thinking to myself “Did that happen or was it my total imagination? I said to myself as I walked away “Did I just lose it in there?” I didn’t dare tell the two guards what I thought happened, and I didn’t feel the pain that my mind and body experienced in there, so I simply kept it to myself.
But I will always remember being raped by my own guilt in the “Hole”
So to speak