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The "Hole"

Posted on November 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

I lay here in absolute total confinement in the fetal position enveloped in total darkness on a cold cement floor completely naked. They call this place “The Hole.”

The darkness is far blacker than night and I feel I know what it is like to be blind now. I can’t decipher night and day, there is no time here, time surely stands still in this hole from hell. After awhile I sit up and reach my hands out in front of my face then get up and walk slowly until I hit the wall and I notice I only took two steps. I make a circle in this hellhole about three times feeling for a knob or anything but there is none.

I get lonely in regular prison pop but this loneliness is much worse, it is as if there is no one else in the whole world left but me, and that is the thing that drives the mind mad.

The silence is deafening and it causes my ears to hurt, I try to pop them but to no avail. Suddenly as I sit in this cold dank hole I feel a touch atop my head and I quickly try to wipe it away thinking it was a bug or something but I feel a touch again on my face, I slap my own face quickly hoping to kill whatever it is touching me but there was nothing. Just then, I heard a whisper and it sounded like my name, I quietly said, “Who’s there?” Knowing fool well that I was alone. Again, I heard a voice that sounded like the wind, it called to me in a gruesome angry manner, which caused me to quickly stand up and ask again, “Who’s there!!” I am for the first time starting to feel afraid.

Then something touched my behind, I wheeled around in the darkness and hollered “HEY!! What the hell is going on here!!! Who is that?” My heart starts to race a hundred miles an hour and I am panicking now in a big way.

Then my front was handled, I backed away into the wall swinging wildly into the darkness, and could feel my knuckles bleeding from hitting the wall trying to defend myself from this unknown entity. All gets quiet for a while as I stand in total darkness shaking from head to toe, then the unspeakable happened. Something is forcing me to bend over and I can’t fight it, I just start to scream and curse as loud as I can “What is this!!! What the hell is going on!!!” then something entered my body that cause such pain that I momentarily passed out. When I wake I continued to feel unspeakable pain going in and out of me from behind, I screamed and try to fight it but there is nothing I can do, I am totally paralyze from the waist down with incredible pain.

When it is over, I am dropped to the cold floor in agony crying and bleeding from the anus. I lay there and pass out until suddenly a shaft of light appears and the door opens, one of the guards call my name and pitches my two-piece prison attire to me on the floor. After my eyes are finally getting use to the light I get up and put my pants and shirt on then walk through the door into the hallway.

As they shackle me and escort me away, I look back at the door thinking to myself “Did that happen or was it my total imagination? I said to myself as I walked away “Did I just lose it in there?” I didn’t dare tell the two guards what I thought happened, and I didn’t feel the pain that my mind and body experienced in there, so I simply kept it to myself.

But I will always remember being raped by my own guilt in the “Hole”

“The End”

So to speak

Categories: Short Story, Crime & Mystery, Fan Fiction

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4 Comments

Reply Stuart Hughes
12:49 PM on December 1, 2010 
Hi El Roi, an interesting story for my first read on Emerald Dragon. It's well written, although if you're thinking of submitting it for publication the grammar needs a slight tidy up in places.

I think you create a good sense of the dankness of the hole and the protagonist's predicament through your description and you create the setting well.

My constructive feedback depends on the type of story you're trying to write. If you're looking to build-up a narrative purely to deliver the final sentence as a punch line then I think the piece works well as it stands.

If, however, you're looking for a more serious story that works seamlessly, rather than just delivering a punch line, then I think the reader needs to feel the protagonist's guilt during the early to middle part of the narrative. The best way to do this would probably be through internal thought/dialogue, with the protagonist reflecting on his crimes and expressing his remorse.

I hope this is useful.

Regards,

Stuart
Reply jipper
6:13 PM on December 1, 2010 
This reminds me of my home sweet home, a 20 by 20 tent with sand bag walls and rusted corrugated-metal roof panels. 11 months and 6 days in this lovely abode. We had a stack of wood pallets in the corner and when it rained we layed them down on the floor so we wouldn't have to tread water. At night you could hear a spider walk across that tin roof. Mosquito netting helped keep the roof rust off our bunks. No windows, one door, and the best bunk was at the back of the bus. Whoever had the least time in-country was ruler, judge, jury, and dictator of the hooch. Oh, how I miss that Palace of Darkness.
Thanks for the memories, Elroy.
Reply El Roi' Jackson
11:45 PM on December 1, 2010 
Stuart Hughes says...
Hi El Roi, an interesting story for my first read on Emerald Dragon. It's well written, although if you're thinking of submitting it for publication the grammar needs a slight tidy up in places.
Stuart thanks! you are incredible my friend and also quite correct. I am a Producer/Song Writer who has a creative mind but not all the correct ways.
I did a spell check and grammer check and though some things it tried to change I declined because I wanted to be that guy who wasn't correct either in how he narrated his experience.
Thanks again my friend I learned alot today.
I think you create a good sense of the dankness of the hole and the protagonist's predicament through your description and you create the setting well.

My constructive feedback depends on the type of story you're trying to write. If you're looking to build-up a narrative purely to deliver the final sentence as a punch line then I think the piece works well as it stands.

If, however, you're looking for a more serious story that works seamlessly, rather than just delivering a punch line, then I think the reader needs to feel the protagonist's guilt during the early to middle part of the narrative. The best way to do this would probably be through internal thought/dialogue, with the protagonist reflecting on his crimes and expressing his remorse.

I hope this is useful.

Regards,

Stuart
Reply Christopher Law
3:57 PM on December 4, 2010 
I quite like the idea but I think it needs some expanding, maybe another two or three thousand words. Halfway through I thought it was just another prison rape story (yawn) but once I realised its about the character's interior guilt it made more sense and became far more interesting.

It would be nice to read a revised and expanded version where you get further into the character's head. Maybe a few snippets from his history, an explanation of why his subconcious chooses anal rape as the form of punishment as opposed to being beaten or castrated or whatever.

Grammar mistakes aside it was well written - reminded me in places of the 'true' story behind the film 'The Entity'.