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Dreams and Realities

Posted on August 30, 2010 at 2:45 PM

Your silhouette,

strong against the darkness

of my soul,

Fills my heart

with a yearning

so overwhelming that

I swoon.

Your breath

plays with rhythms

in a symphony of

whispers in my ear




my innermost secrets.

Oh, the ecstasy

of first love!

Oh, the fervour

of that first touch!

Those moments,

hushed in their decline,

are no more.


agonisingly persistent,


Categories: Poetry & Lyric, Rabab Khan

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Reply George Spelvin
3:43 PM on August 30, 2010 
Nice touches, pleasant rhythms. Altogether, an excellent piece of writing. You might want to expand upon the ideas in the central part so it becomes more than only the mention of the "ecstasy" and the "fervour" I like the way it recedes at the end...
Reply Phil Neale
8:38 AM on August 31, 2010 
LIke the way it kind of drifted away at the end..................voice trailing of an' all.

Good stuff.
Reply Rabab Khan
11:01 AM on August 31, 2010 
Doug: Could you make any suggestions about how I could expand?

Thank you Phil :)
Reply Rabab Khan
2:10 PM on September 3, 2010 
Thank you Doug! Thats awesome!

I got this comment form someone on another site:

I thought it alternated between a mass of cliches to an overload of Byron-ish melodrama.

I'm sorry but I was doing a whole line-by-line dissection of this and I stopped midway because I saw nothing unique or singular to your individuality shown in this poem. Unless you give this a VERY personal re-telling, from your perspective, I see nothing separating it in quality from the plethora of goth/emo poems found on mySpace.

What do you think?
Reply George Spelvin
2:25 PM on September 3, 2010 
I wouldn't worry about the views of others. I've been writing for 30 years, so I think I can safely comment. I'm fairly certain that you have not been at it that long. Listen to your heart when you write. Try to achieve a balance of expressions within each piece. Learn how to put things together in some of the stricter forms like sonnets, terza rima or sestina. Once you are able to do something that is expressive in those forms, you'll be on your way. The way you've written it, the poem starts at one level. It begins to rise, and then it descends. Merely create a greater gesture. hope you understand this. Most people are NOT going to become writers. You must face it.

This is probably a hobby. But there is nothing to stop you.
Reply Rabab Khan
2:46 PM on September 3, 2010 
Thank you Doug. :) I really appreciate your comments. And yes, I havent been at it long, just wrote a few poems really. I will post them all here soon.

Oh, and this isnt a hobby because I really really want to improve myself. You are right, I should try writing in stricter forms. I will.

Regarding the descending bit, I actually tried to do that intentionally. Actually, I thought it would reflect what I was saying.
Reply Brokenwing
1:47 PM on November 5, 2010 
Filled with amazing imagery. Has a melancholy feel to it. A very touching, poignant poem. Enjoyed it much. Particularly enjoyed this stanza:

Your silhouette,

strong against the darkness

of my soul,

Fills my heart

with a yearning

so overwhelming that

I swoon.